Chapter 24: The 28 Steps to Great Dental Health

Some people say you can have too much of a good thing, and it's true. I always thought my "good thing" was candy or ketchup or mac and cheese or ketchup or video games or movies or...ketchup. I never considered brushing my teeth as a possible over doing it scenario...until now.
I have the world's greatest dentist and I can prove this...with FACTS. I am 24 years old and have never had a cavity...ever. In the past (the past includes everything up to February 17, 2010), I did not take the best care of my teeth...sporadic brushing (thank you "Clueless" for that vocabulary gem), lack of flossing, sometimes (often) no brushing at all. My performance was lackluster. But, when I was serious about brushing I would do the 7 Steps, and my teeth would turn into shining beacons of hope (I just realized I use that phrase a lot...I may be over doing it...or over dramatizing...or both) for myself, and possibly for my dentist. Now, you may be asking "What are these 7 Steps? And why are you capitalizing the 'S'? Are they from the Bible? Is there a holy way to brush your teeth, to be used only in the Holy Land?" (I find it highly unlikely that any of you asked the last question) Or maybe you are an independent self sufficient woman...or man (but the independent woman thing works better, because Destiny's Child never sang about independent gentlemen throwing their hands up at them) and you have already looked up the 7 Steps on the interwebs (okay, so I just googled "7 Steps" and got nowhere near what I wanted, so you have to be really proactive and put in "7 Steps Dental"...and then you hit the jackpot). The 7 Steps to Great Dental Health is an extremely effective way of brushing your teeth and it can change your life. I direct your attention to my dentist's website (www.7dentalsteps.com) for more information (it's informative and entertaining...the cartoons are pretty sweet too). Basically, the 7 Steps (oh man, I almost forgot to capitalize the s) are preventative dentistry...if you do them, the cavities will not come. (I have never written so much about teeth in my entire life). Why am I writing so much about these steps? What are these steps? Will I ever write an entry that is as amusing as it is informative? (probably not)
The reason for all the teeth-talk is that my dentist gave Mom and I tons of toothbrushes, toothpaste, dental floss, Stim-U-Dents, and other cool stuff for the kids at school. We then passed the buck to the school nurse who said that before we taught the kids the Steps, we had to have the support of the staff...and so began the Great Dental Challenge (that's the most exciting name I could come up with)! After about a week of brushing their teeth with the 7 Steps, all the teachers were convinced that this was the way to go...seriously, nearly every staff member came up to me to talk about their teeth, because for some unknown reason (Mom) I had been labeled as the poster child for dental health (if my dentist were dead, he would have rolled over in his grave upon hearing that).
(Break for delicious dinner of yummy chicken, rice, yogurt, corn and Grapefruit Fizzys...oh yeah!)
And I'm back...
So, the teachers stood as a untied front behind the mighty 7 Steps and the science teacher and I were chosen to explain and exhibit...no, that's not the right word...display...show...dang it. The science teacher discussed the importance of brushing your teeth and described the 7 Steps to the kids in Arabic. I (shoot...all I can think of is enacted...enabled...effervesced...well, the last one certainly doesn't work) put on the show, going through the Steps in front of the kids and giving them a close up (if they wanted it) of each part of the process. After that, I took 2-3 kids at a time and had them go through the 7 Steps on their own teeth with my help. I was channeling my dentist the whole time. I had on rubber gloves, corrected their brushing so that it was a steady circular motion, I even had trouble understanding them when my hands were in their mouths helping them floss...but that may have been the English-Arabic language barrier. All I needed was KING 98.1 FM gently playing in the background...and maybe some "Where's Waldo?" books in the lobby, I mean my office. This meant that I did the 7 Steps at school today...but I did them four times. Once for each class. FOUR times...for a total of 28 Steps. My dentist told me that once a day is sufficient for great dental hygiene and if you're really on your game you can add in one or two more times of just straight brushing (1 step, not 7) after meals. Doing the 7 Steps more than once a day is unnecessary...and doing it 4 times in the space of 3 hours is plain ill advised (by me, I can't speak for my dentist). In the beginning, I was excited, fresh, and ready to share the life changing experience of totally awesome teeth. After the 5th step, for the third time, I was walking through the hallways muttering to myself "I don't WANNA floss my teeth!"...this would be disturbing all on its own, but add to your mental image of me a mouth full of purply-bluish toothpaste froth. A plaque revealing q-tip thingy (I would explain more, but I'm tired and really want to watch some JAG, and I'm pretty sure no one has read this far anyway, except Dad) was included in the dental hygiene packs. You break the tip of the Q-tip and dye saturates the cotton, then you spread it on your teeth, wait 10 seconds, gently rinse with water and then look in a mirror. Any new plaque (by the way, plaque is a soft, sticky film that forms on your teeth every day...it's bacteria poop) is revealed as bright pink and old plaque shows up as a lovely lavender (but dark lavender) on your teeth and gums. It comes off with brushing, but it turns all the foam in your mouth a lovely purply-blue, as stated above.
By the fourth reveal step, any plaque was long gone and the only pink thing the kids could find in my mouth was my gums, which they delightedly told me were very pink indeed. (They were a little disappointed to find out that gums are supposed to be pink) I just realized I never told you that actual steps that make up the 7 Steps.
1. Lather up all your teeth with toothpaste.
2. Stim-U-Dent in between all your teeth
3. Thoroughly brush all of your teeth (this step should take about 2 minutes)
4. Floss your teeth (with the toothpaste still on)
5. Rinse...finally.
6. Thoroughly brush your teeth again using a small amount of toothpaste and a soft bristle toothbrush.
7. Rinse again.
(Again, I highly recommend visiting www.7dentalsteps.com, I basically brush my teeth so that I can imagine they are as happy as the teeth cartoons on the website...and good breath...of course.)
So multiply those by four and you have my day today. The end result is that my teeth certainly feel clean...maybe too clean. Right now, more than 7 hours after my last brushing, my mouth still feels like its foaming, as though the toothpaste somehow seeped into my gums and teeth and made me a mutant...whose only super power is to foam at the mouth and not have rabies. It's like my teeth are actively repelling any food or drink that may try to get stuck. And my gums feel tender. Maybe this was too much information, but I want to be clear with everyone...you CAN brush you teeth too many times in one day. Stick with the 7 Steps, but only do them once...unless you want to join my new Justice League of Hygiene. Alright, so that's enough for now. I think I will go wash my face, NOT brush my teeth, watch some JAG, knit a hat or blanket (not all tonight), and go to bed.

Chapter 23: Burn, Baby, Burn...

Alright, so my posting is not as regular as before, but I'm settling in...once I'm fully settled, I'll be back on my A-game. One reason I haven't posted this week is because Mom and I are working out every day when we get home from school. For the past three days (I'm including today) we have gotten home at 5 or later (due to language lessons, all the female teachers visiting S's house, and a visit to the giant mall for various items). But why I haven't written isn't important...the exercising, that's what's important. After rowing competitively for eight years and then doing next to nothing in the exercise department for about a year and a half, I'm back in the game!...and I'm forcing Mom to play too. We using balance balls, which somehow make workouts feel more like playtime (I think it's because I harbor a secret hope that one day Mom and I will duct tape handles onto the balls and have a demolition derby around the apartment...or maybe I just like bouncing). We use workout DVDs, which are quite helpful and provide us with many opportunities to comment on/lament over our current situation (please read: we often tell the leader lady to go to Jericho...but in a more colorful manner...hint hint...wink wink...nudge nudge...I think that's it, unless someone else can think of another hinting type motion/movement). But now, I'm crazy hungry (I know, abrupt subject change) and I have to occupy myself until dinner and all this typing and writing takes too much thinkings. Maybe I'll go watch some JAG and knit a hat...yeah, that sounds nice.

Chapter 22: I AM INVINCIBLE!

Indeed, ladies and gentlemen of the blog, I feel like I could climb every mountain and ford every stream (however, I refrain from following rainbows to find my dream), and it's all due to my (well, Mom and my) victory over the blinking DSL light. For those of you who don't know, Mom and I are back in the Holy Land. We were in the States for about 2 and a half months, hanging out with family, visiting Claire (my sister...if anyone reading actually needed that clarification, who are you?) in Costa Rica (which is NOT an island), resting in Old Man Rzegocki's (Walter's) man cave (where we spent the majority of one day watching the entire BBC "Pride & Prejudice" miniseries on Blu-ray), and playing with Vivian. She has a habit of looking up at one and saying, "I hold you" when she wants you to pick her up and I have come to the conclusion that she is either messing up the words she wants to use or (and we all know an italicized or means I like the second option better) she's offering a deal that if I hold her now, she will in turn metaphorically hold me, support me when I am older. But she's offered that deal to so many people, she'll have to win Mega Millions multiple times to follow through on her end. Basically, she's awesome. Let's see...what else did we/I do...hmmmmmmmmmm...cool stuff. OH! I went to Austin to visit Caitlandia (super duper fun) and Kristin came to Seattle for the first time (also super duper fun times) and many other exciting times were had. But I can't think of them now and those that I can think of are not as engaging as I might hope. So, the moral of the ramble is that Mom and I were in the States, but are now back in yon Holy Land (we will have been here a week this Friday).
I'm sure you're all saying "She's been there almost a week and hasn't written any posts...SCANDALOUS!"(you're all saying this in the self-centered part of my brain...the one where everyone's world revolves around my shining countenance). But I have a very good excuse, our internet connection was on the fritz and by on the fritz, I mean gone, missing, broken, no good, non existent, super sucky. At the beginning of the week, I called our service provider trying to figure out what was wrong. The technical support guy and I tried many exciting things to fix our problem...but each time they failed...and each time, I sank deeper and deeper into the depths of despair (despite what Morilla Cuthbert had said). It was clear that the problem was beyond our capabilities and we would need outside help from...a technichian! My ever helpful friend at technical support scheduled me for an appointment on Wednesday between 10 and 12, making a notation in my file that I had requested someone with English skills as my Hebrew is limited to hello and thank you. Wednesday came and Mom and I stayed home to meet the technician. 10 o'clock...no technician. 12 o'clock...no technician. At 12:30, I steeled myself and called the company who was supposedly sending our repair man. I had to steel myself because the answering service is in Hebrew (I think they also had Russian and Arabic as options, but I'm not sure) and as I mentioned, my Hebrew is severely lacking. The only number I can identify with confidence is 2 (shtein...or shteim...something like that), so I blindly press buttons, hoping against hope that I am being connected with a human being and not adding seven new phone lines to our account. After half an hour on hold, I finally made it to a person and informed him of my situation. He attempted to help me, calling the technician to no avail, but in the end he said the best he could do was leave a message. I politely informed him not to worry, that I would be calling back in another hour or two if no one had arrived, then I thanked him and hung up. 2:30...still no repair man. Another round of "Guess the Operator Number!" is begun and 40 minutes later, I have a human being on the phone. But the result is the same. Time passes (in one day I watched all of the Futurama movies, finished a baby blanket, and started rewatching the first season of "Burn Notice"), I keep checking in with our service provider, polite yet insistent. At 5:15, while I'm on the phone with the technical support people yet again, I get a call on my local cell phone from...the repair guy! In my excitement to nail him down and get him to our apartment, I shoved the other phone at Mom (the one with the technical support people) who took it willingly, but with a rather bewildered expression. WIth a combination of broken English and Arabic, I was able to direct him to the right place and he got to work. Mom, on the other hand, was having some difficulty finishing the conversation that I had started on the other line. Over an hour and multiple calls on multiple cell phones later, our DSL light had ceased it's sassy winking behavior and returned to it's regular beacon of hope solidity. I yelped for joy and profusely thanked the repair guy, who had called me on the phone to confirm that our service was now running. After many hours and many phone calls and many minutes spent on hold, we had finally triumphed. I celebrated by watching movie trailers on Apple Trailers...it was delightful. And now that I have reached an acceptable conclusion and length, I will leave you and go watch some more Burn Notice...it's strangely addictive.