Chapter 24: The 28 Steps to Great Dental Health

Some people say you can have too much of a good thing, and it's true. I always thought my "good thing" was candy or ketchup or mac and cheese or ketchup or video games or movies or...ketchup. I never considered brushing my teeth as a possible over doing it scenario...until now.
I have the world's greatest dentist and I can prove this...with FACTS. I am 24 years old and have never had a cavity...ever. In the past (the past includes everything up to February 17, 2010), I did not take the best care of my teeth...sporadic brushing (thank you "Clueless" for that vocabulary gem), lack of flossing, sometimes (often) no brushing at all. My performance was lackluster. But, when I was serious about brushing I would do the 7 Steps, and my teeth would turn into shining beacons of hope (I just realized I use that phrase a lot...I may be over doing it...or over dramatizing...or both) for myself, and possibly for my dentist. Now, you may be asking "What are these 7 Steps? And why are you capitalizing the 'S'? Are they from the Bible? Is there a holy way to brush your teeth, to be used only in the Holy Land?" (I find it highly unlikely that any of you asked the last question) Or maybe you are an independent self sufficient woman...or man (but the independent woman thing works better, because Destiny's Child never sang about independent gentlemen throwing their hands up at them) and you have already looked up the 7 Steps on the interwebs (okay, so I just googled "7 Steps" and got nowhere near what I wanted, so you have to be really proactive and put in "7 Steps Dental"...and then you hit the jackpot). The 7 Steps to Great Dental Health is an extremely effective way of brushing your teeth and it can change your life. I direct your attention to my dentist's website (www.7dentalsteps.com) for more information (it's informative and entertaining...the cartoons are pretty sweet too). Basically, the 7 Steps (oh man, I almost forgot to capitalize the s) are preventative dentistry...if you do them, the cavities will not come. (I have never written so much about teeth in my entire life). Why am I writing so much about these steps? What are these steps? Will I ever write an entry that is as amusing as it is informative? (probably not)
The reason for all the teeth-talk is that my dentist gave Mom and I tons of toothbrushes, toothpaste, dental floss, Stim-U-Dents, and other cool stuff for the kids at school. We then passed the buck to the school nurse who said that before we taught the kids the Steps, we had to have the support of the staff...and so began the Great Dental Challenge (that's the most exciting name I could come up with)! After about a week of brushing their teeth with the 7 Steps, all the teachers were convinced that this was the way to go...seriously, nearly every staff member came up to me to talk about their teeth, because for some unknown reason (Mom) I had been labeled as the poster child for dental health (if my dentist were dead, he would have rolled over in his grave upon hearing that).
(Break for delicious dinner of yummy chicken, rice, yogurt, corn and Grapefruit Fizzys...oh yeah!)
And I'm back...
So, the teachers stood as a untied front behind the mighty 7 Steps and the science teacher and I were chosen to explain and exhibit...no, that's not the right word...display...show...dang it. The science teacher discussed the importance of brushing your teeth and described the 7 Steps to the kids in Arabic. I (shoot...all I can think of is enacted...enabled...effervesced...well, the last one certainly doesn't work) put on the show, going through the Steps in front of the kids and giving them a close up (if they wanted it) of each part of the process. After that, I took 2-3 kids at a time and had them go through the 7 Steps on their own teeth with my help. I was channeling my dentist the whole time. I had on rubber gloves, corrected their brushing so that it was a steady circular motion, I even had trouble understanding them when my hands were in their mouths helping them floss...but that may have been the English-Arabic language barrier. All I needed was KING 98.1 FM gently playing in the background...and maybe some "Where's Waldo?" books in the lobby, I mean my office. This meant that I did the 7 Steps at school today...but I did them four times. Once for each class. FOUR times...for a total of 28 Steps. My dentist told me that once a day is sufficient for great dental hygiene and if you're really on your game you can add in one or two more times of just straight brushing (1 step, not 7) after meals. Doing the 7 Steps more than once a day is unnecessary...and doing it 4 times in the space of 3 hours is plain ill advised (by me, I can't speak for my dentist). In the beginning, I was excited, fresh, and ready to share the life changing experience of totally awesome teeth. After the 5th step, for the third time, I was walking through the hallways muttering to myself "I don't WANNA floss my teeth!"...this would be disturbing all on its own, but add to your mental image of me a mouth full of purply-bluish toothpaste froth. A plaque revealing q-tip thingy (I would explain more, but I'm tired and really want to watch some JAG, and I'm pretty sure no one has read this far anyway, except Dad) was included in the dental hygiene packs. You break the tip of the Q-tip and dye saturates the cotton, then you spread it on your teeth, wait 10 seconds, gently rinse with water and then look in a mirror. Any new plaque (by the way, plaque is a soft, sticky film that forms on your teeth every day...it's bacteria poop) is revealed as bright pink and old plaque shows up as a lovely lavender (but dark lavender) on your teeth and gums. It comes off with brushing, but it turns all the foam in your mouth a lovely purply-blue, as stated above.
By the fourth reveal step, any plaque was long gone and the only pink thing the kids could find in my mouth was my gums, which they delightedly told me were very pink indeed. (They were a little disappointed to find out that gums are supposed to be pink) I just realized I never told you that actual steps that make up the 7 Steps.
1. Lather up all your teeth with toothpaste.
2. Stim-U-Dent in between all your teeth
3. Thoroughly brush all of your teeth (this step should take about 2 minutes)
4. Floss your teeth (with the toothpaste still on)
5. Rinse...finally.
6. Thoroughly brush your teeth again using a small amount of toothpaste and a soft bristle toothbrush.
7. Rinse again.
(Again, I highly recommend visiting www.7dentalsteps.com, I basically brush my teeth so that I can imagine they are as happy as the teeth cartoons on the website...and good breath...of course.)
So multiply those by four and you have my day today. The end result is that my teeth certainly feel clean...maybe too clean. Right now, more than 7 hours after my last brushing, my mouth still feels like its foaming, as though the toothpaste somehow seeped into my gums and teeth and made me a mutant...whose only super power is to foam at the mouth and not have rabies. It's like my teeth are actively repelling any food or drink that may try to get stuck. And my gums feel tender. Maybe this was too much information, but I want to be clear with everyone...you CAN brush you teeth too many times in one day. Stick with the 7 Steps, but only do them once...unless you want to join my new Justice League of Hygiene. Alright, so that's enough for now. I think I will go wash my face, NOT brush my teeth, watch some JAG, knit a hat or blanket (not all tonight), and go to bed.