Chapter 20: The Zoo (part 1)

Today we (the kids, most of the faculty, and I) are going to the zoo. In Arabic, a zoo is called a 'garden of animals'....pretty huh? Anyway, I have a busy morning, but I thought I'd set the scene. It is currently 51 degrees outside (by the way, this will all be in Fahrenheit because I do not understand Celsius) but it feels like 40, due to the rain and wind. We can expect a high of 60...maybe, and the rain is supposed to continue off and on for the rest of the day. A typical fall day...in Seattle, not in yon Holy Land. Soooo, I'll let you know how it all plays out. I'm super psyched - it's raining, I'm packing my own lunch (everyone is allowed to bring items that are forbidden at school usually...like chips and cola...not sonic death rays or stuff like that...who would eat that anyway?!), and I'm bringing lots of small candies to convince the two boys that make up my group that they don't want to misbehave and instead want to listen to everything Missy Gwynedd says...and perhaps learn something at the same time. However, chocolate is not a magical substance, nor can it cause miracles. I'm just hoping for two out of three. And now, get ready for....(to be continued in part 2).

Chapter 19: VICTORY!

Oh yes, that's right. Mom and I successfully named one of Nuush's kittens. By successfully I mean, we started calling the cat by the name we thought fit it, Wassim, the youngest son, told Lily about it, and when Lily heard us calling the cat, she said "Halas, it's finished. That is his name." (You're all dying to know what it is...aren't you?) So tonight, (don't worry, I'm getting there) after I helped Mom start dinner (awesome hamburgers, tomato-mozzarella-pecan salad...which doesn't sound so healthsome...and special potatoes), I went out to the front steps to hang out with my cat posse. I couldn't see them at first because a) it was dark and b) they're freaking cats, but seconds after I sat down they slipped out of the shadows and scampered up to me. There was little Alonzo, Kautuna the only sister (Kautuna means 'small drop' in Arabic), and....Shaq. Indeed, ladies and gentlemen of the...blog?, Mom and I dubbed the largest of the kittens, the one who still did not have a name (Alonzo is the smallest and most beloved of the kittens by Lilly and the boys...and Moin (Lilly's husband if I hadn't explained yet) and so they named him first, then Kautuna...and Shaq was left nameless for months until Mom and I stepped in), the most, how shall I say...badawesome (combination of bad ass and awesome...still needs some work) Shaq, Shaq Daddy, Diesel, the Big Aristotle, etc, etc, etc. It gives us great pleasure to call him by name, and to hear Lilly and the boys use it too (actually, it's definitely more fun to hear Lilly call for Shaq Daddy). Walter, we hope you approve our name choice, he is deserving, I promise!
So yeah, even though his name isn't Gwynedd Jr, or Kristin Jr., or, God forbid, Nemo, it is Shaq...almost the best name in the world...besides Grizz and DotCom of course.

Chapter 18: The Recap

Sooo...here's what's happened so far this week-
1. Monday was a sick day...Mom was sick and I was her crafty nurse (crafty because I finished knitting a blanket and worked on a needlepoint case for glasses...not the cool kind of crafty)
2. Tuesday we were back at school but we ate out for dinner and came home late (7:30...P.M.! I mean, that's late for normal people right...never mind, I don't want to discuss it) and I had only enough strength to watch the preview for Toy Story 3 (sorry, I just took time out to post the trailer on Claire's facebook page...because there's some spanish in it) aaaaaand the new episode of How I Met Your Mother...but then I was drained and had to go to bed.
3. Today - pretty normal day at school. We had hotdogs for lunch, that was awesome, but then I ate two of them and that was not nearly as awesome. I can't figure out what new craft project I should work on. I just finished a giant (well, not giant, but certainly the biggest project I've ever done) lap blanket (pictures to be posted at another time). It's still excessively hot and humid over here. I'm talking so hot and sweaty that I was literally blinded (very temporary of course) by sweat in my eyes when I was walking through the IKEA parking lot looking for our car. This was bad because 1) Mom wasn't walking with me, but instead waiting for me to come back to her to help move the rest of our stuff, 2) blindly stumbling through a parking lot in the Holy Land is like holding up a giant Wyle E. Coyote sized sign that says "Please run me over...or at least bump me around a bit", and 3) I was carrying the already assembled (we bought the floor model) bookcase for my office at school. I have taken to pinning up my hair (averaging about 15 bobby pins), BBC Jane Austen miniseries style...minus the corkscrew and sausage curls...pretty much any curls at all. Mom has taken to calling me Jane when I do this and the guards (okay, just one guard) at the checkpoint have taken to giving me the once over when we go through (they may just be comparing my passport picture with my actual face, but it does my self esteem good to think about it the other way). And now I am deeply thirsty. Did I mention my office is a modified porch (instead of being open it has giant landscape windows...that I once crushed a finger in...but great views, seriously) on the second floor that gets great light...which will be fantastic in the winter but essentially means I work on the surface of the sun. In the afternoons, when I write my lesson plans, it's so bright that I have to wear my sunglasses, just so I'm not blinded by the spiral notebook I write in. I've been drinking cups and cups of water all day and I'm still thirsty. Truly a dangerous situation. I should go fix that. Until tomorrow...

Chapter 17: Excitement on the...School Grounds

(High seas sounds so much better than School Grounds, but no such venue was available) Today's post is devoted to young Lucy, a girl/character I introduced a few posts ago. As I mentioned before, Lucy is rather petite, but what she lacks in stature she makes up in character...loads and loads of character. Lucy is a talker, a squealer (not in the I-testified-against-my-criminal-friends sense, but more wow that girl can squeal), a hugger, a teacher, a helper, and a director. She is an in-control type of gal, essentially the female Napoleon...but nicer. (On a side note, I recently looked up the definition for ellipsis "..." , because I'm teaching one of my students about punctuation, and I was disturbed to see just how shamefully I have abused and misused this grammatical tool...of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop.) And when she's got you in her sights, prepared to be dazzled, and a little bit dazed. We need two other people, besides myself and Lucy, to make this story complete, K and S, the Business and Academic Administrators respectively. I will leave a more in depth description of these two for later, for now all you need to know is that both are parents. And now we have all our dramatis personae (is that how it's supposed to look?)
(Oh, I just remembered! If you scroll down to the post about Palm Sunday you can see a picture of S, she's in the argyle sweater on the right...I am on the far left in case you were wondering)
So, it's lunch time at school and all of the kids are lining up at the two bathrooms to wash their hands and use the restroom (hopefully in reverse order from what I typed) before breaking bread together in their homerooms (today was felafel sandwiches made with love by Abu A and S and mint tea steeped with love by yours truly...I am indeed back in Lunchlady Land). S and K were working crowd control outside the bathrooms, letting one kid in at a time (perhaps I should explain, the bathrooms are single occupancy. Also, they are in the middle of the school...I just took some time out to sketch a floor plan of the pertinent part of school...the first floor of the upper school. It is not at all to scale, but at least it will give you an idea of what I'm talking about...now I just have to load it onto the computer...and here it is, I think)
Okay, so, the Xs mark the two bathrooms in question and the X that is underlined twice marks the specific bathroom that features in our story.
Lucy entered the bathroom, when it was her turn of course, with her customary style and sashays...and slammed the door. (this is not unusual...unfortunately for mine ears) Meanwhile, I am taking this time to deliver a tray of sandwiches, a pitcher of mint tea, and hot cups of tea (these are for the teachers, in their chosen mugs, and with the desired spoonfuls of sugar) to each classroom, which means that I am constantly criss-crossing the main hallway and aware of what is happening around the beehive that is the bathrooms. It was on my last trip back to the kitchen (I had just delivered the last cup of tea to the English teacher Miss G) when I became aware of trouble...with a capital T. The crowd had died down and S was trying to wrench open the door of the bathroom she was directing kids into and out of. Not only was she shaking the door, but she was speaking with great passion to whoever was inside. Strange yes, but then...K cruised by me wielding a giant squeegee (the kind they use to wash floors here)...curiouser and curiouser for K does not usually carry a squeegee with him for comfort during lunch hour. I couldn't hear any response from inside the bathroom to S's possible questions, mournful sobs from somewhere were drowning out any sound...but wait, the sobs were coming from inside the bathroom! And I knew that voice to be Lucy's! At this point, S turned to me with quiet desperation in her eyes and explained the situation as she saw it. When Lucy had slammed the door she had somehow locked herself in (we think the deadbolt that is near the top of the door jiggled and stuck...and Lucy was completely unable to reach it to let herself out). There was no other way in or out, the window for the bathroom is about one foot square and it has bars over it. S, with the fire of a mother in her eyes, told me to "Stay here (very strong finger point at the exact place she wants me to stand). I will go get her!" So I stayed put and was eventually rewarded when the door popped open (K had used the handle of the squeegee to slide the bolt over and unlock the door) and a very tearstained Lucy was revealed. It took a little while, but Lucy recovered from her traumatic ordeal (partially because of the attention, the tissues, the two huge stickers stars I had her choose from my stash...I also like to think my mint tea had a calming effect on her) and was her old self again, sprinting and squealing all the way down the football field.
This was not the only adventure of today, for I also bought, baked, and decorated a birthday cake in record time (with Mom's assistance, of course). But I think that one story is enough for today...and I want to watch the new episode of Bones. Honestly, what's a girl to do...except end her post and drink some spectacular juice?

Chapter 16: Compare and Contrast

But here's how it really happened (one of my favorite lines from Clue)
1) Went downstairs to check on the staff meeting
2) Drank some water
3) Worked on my secret project
4) Had my 3rd lesson with S
5) Drove S home
6) Hung out with S, her 3 boys, her sister, her aunt, and Mom. Had Coke, awesome salted seeds, and tea with sugar and sage. No juice was served.
7) Drove at moderately high speeds past the Canyon Mall, over Summer camp bridge and down the road to Cinematheque (which Hen told us was actually called White...this will make sense only to Dad)
8) Had a 3 hour tour of appetizers, dinner and desserts
9) Ran back to the guest house to grab some parting gifts for Joey and Hen, but mostly Hen
10) Led Joey and Hen towards the Begin north..by car...not wagon train
11) Came back to the guest house
12) Went directly to bed...collecting no money along the way
13) Slept through the night...no interruptions. I don't even think I moved...which is definitely not like me.
Mom and I are working hard on our secret project (we were given a directive by Claire many moons ago and are currently trying to do the foundation work necessary for it...all will be revealed in time)...and that sentence doesn't go anywhere. Today I walked our Lily's dog, Blackie. It was nice and also uncomfortable. I get the feeling women are not supposed to walk dogs in our neighborhood, certainly not enormous black dogs that come up to said lady's waist. Veiled women were crossing to the other side of the street, men and children were alternately cat calling are sending me dirty looks, even the wild dogs that hang out around the dumpster gave us a wide berth. However one teenage boy was happy to see us. He started talking to me in Arabic, I told him I wasn't nearly good enough for that yet, and then I asked if it was okay for me to be walking Blackie. He said, "for me it is okay, but for the people here...it is not okay" and then he called Blackie by name, gave him some cuddles and scratches and then rode his bike alongside us until we were out of the neighborhood. What a gentleman. On the way back, when I was sans escort, some little kids tried to mess with us, one in particular. But his attempts were so halfhearted, so lacking in inspiration, that both Blackie and I looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and disdain. Needless to say (and yet I say it anyway), I was happy to get back to the guest house and help Mom with dinner preparations (Special Potatoes take time, effort, and love...they don't just magically appear...they're not those kind of potatoes). I apologize for my low standards of whimsy and amusement today...I think it's because I need to take a shower. (uh oh, I can here Lily talking to the neighbor and I keep hearing the words "Blackie" "Americani" and "anjad?!?!" crop up...anjad means "really"...I did have permission to walk Blackie, but I got it from one of the boys, not their mother...granted the "boys" are 27, 22, and 18 and I got it from the oldest, but I think I'm in for talking to...)

Chapter 15: A Sneaking Suspicion

I have a feeling I will be too tired to post when I get home tonight (which is what happened last night). To avoid missing more days, I have decided to post from school. Never fear, I have done my work (I'm actually doing some work while I'm posting...burning pictures I have taken to a disc to give to the program administrator so he can use them in our annual report...terribly exciting, I know) and am not slinking off to post this in secret. Today was a regular day at school with all the learning and reading and crying and laughing and yelling and whispering and Gwynedd's team winning today's game 2 to 1 (OH YEAH!) and eating and other important stuff. Nothing jumps out at me that I think would tickle the funny bones (not Lovely Bones) of my dear Readers...or just my dad and sister. Instead I will tell you what I am planning to do after posting this and then we can compare what I planned to what really happened...
1) Drink some water
2) Have my 3rd language lesson with Miss S
3) Drive S home
4) Hang out, maybe drink some juice
5) Drive through the countryside, past the mall and go to the guest house
6) Say hello to Blackie and Nini and the three, as yet, unnamed kitties
7) Work on my secret project for a bit
8) Drink some more water
9) Go out to dinner with Joey and his girlfriend Henn at Cinematheque
10) Enjoy dinner and dessert
11) Go back to the apartment
12) Go to bed
13) Sleep through the night without interruptions from cats, dogs, children, cars, spaceships, etc.
These are my plans. We'll see how they go.

Chapter 14: A Parcel Man Never Lies Down On the Job

But I am not a Parcel Man, I'm just too tired to come up with anything. Hopefully people won't start selling drugs to unborn puppies. More tomorrow.